Author Topic: JOKE THREAD: Need a laugh? Let's post jokes and humor content here  (Read 131414 times)

Book_meister

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Re: JOKE THREAD: Need a laugh? Let's post jokes and humor content here
« Reply #840 on: March 10, 2020, 06:41:55 PM »

@STUinSD
The Proper Way to Call Someone a Bastard

1. A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.
10:40 AM · Mar 10, 2020·Twitter Web App
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Socialism is contrary to human nature - Stu Cvrk
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2. They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms. The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.
Socialism is contrary to human nature - Stu Cvrk
@STUinSD
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6h
3. As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the parish priest.
Socialism is contrary to human nature - Stu Cvrk
@STUinSD
·
6h
4. The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The priest said, "You won fair and square, and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings." The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
Socialism is contrary to human nature - Stu Cvrk
@STUinSD
·
7h
5. The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them.

And that is the proper way to call someone a Bastard!

///The end.
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Book_meister

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Re: JOKE THREAD: Need a laugh? Let's post jokes and humor content here
« Reply #841 on: March 18, 2020, 03:17:58 PM »

Irish Fishing

1. It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of the little Irish pub. An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.


2. A curious gentleman passing by asked what he was doing. 'Fishing', replied the old man. Poor old fool, thought the gentlemen. So, he decided he would invite the old man to have a drink in the pub.

·

3. Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, 'And, how many have you caught today?'
 
'You're the eighth, replied the old man.'
The police are only minutes away when seconds count. Don't be a soft target.
 
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kimberlygretchen

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Re: JOKE THREAD: Need a laugh? Let's post jokes and humor content here
« Reply #842 on: March 19, 2020, 08:05:50 AM »

3. Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, 'And, how many have you caught today?'
 
'You're the eighth, replied the old man.'

 ^-^ ^-^ ^-^
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hoodatsaydat

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Re: JOKE THREAD: Need a laugh? Let's post jokes and humor content here
« Reply #843 on: March 20, 2020, 11:12:36 AM »
Reminds me of the joke about the man who was walking by the insane asylum when he heard chanting, "13-13-13". Curious he peeked through a knothole in the fence and got poked in the eye by a stick. The chanting changed to, "14-14-14".
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Tim

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Re: JOKE THREAD: Need a laugh? Let's post jokes and humor content here
« Reply #844 on: March 21, 2020, 02:56:20 PM »
Hi, Max. This is Richard, next door. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. When you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day and night, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently. I know that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt & hope you'll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage and I'll pay you. Richard



Max, enraged and betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, and shot Richard dead. He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink, and sat down on the sofa. Max then looked at his phone and discovered a second text message from Richard.


SECOND TEXT MESSAGE:


Hi, Max. Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I assume you figured it out and noticed that the darned Spell-Check had changed "wi-fi" to "wife." Technology, huh? It'll be the death of us all.

hoodatsaydat

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Re: JOKE THREAD: Need a laugh? Let's post jokes and humor content here
« Reply #845 on: April 02, 2020, 03:51:10 PM »
Two hillbillies were driving on a country road when they saw a sheep with her head stuck between the rails.
The driver said, "I've never screwed a sheep". He climbed down and proceeded to do her. Them he zipped up and said to his friend, "OK it's your turn". His friend said, "You crazy? I'd never get my haid between them rails".
« Last Edit: April 02, 2020, 04:42:23 PM by hoodatsaydat »
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bubba

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Re: JOKE THREAD: Need a laugh? Let's post jokes and humor content here
« Reply #846 on: April 03, 2020, 07:55:10 AM »
LOL!! Just a pic here.
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kimberlygretchen

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Re: JOKE THREAD: Need a laugh? Let's post jokes and humor content here
« Reply #847 on: April 03, 2020, 12:45:01 PM »
LOL!! Just a pic here.
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Tim

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Re: JOKE THREAD: Need a laugh? Let's post jokes and humor content here
« Reply #848 on: April 06, 2020, 05:42:42 PM »
A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man:
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"Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?"
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"I am not Master Ayumu."

Tim

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Re: JOKE THREAD: Need a laugh? Let's post jokes and humor content here
« Reply #849 on: April 06, 2020, 05:45:25 PM »
Why do people say "tuna fish" when they don't say "beef mammal" or "chicken bird"? ????
 

Book_meister

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Re: JOKE THREAD: Need a laugh? Let's post jokes and humor content here
« Reply #850 on: April 06, 2020, 11:12:19 PM »
To distinguish it from a piano.

David
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hoodatsaydat

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Re: JOKE THREAD: Need a laugh? Let's post jokes and humor content here
« Reply #851 on: April 08, 2020, 10:13:23 PM »
To distinguish it from a piano.

David

Had to do a double take on that one/ LOL 
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Book_meister

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Re: JOKE THREAD: Need a laugh? Let's post jokes and humor content here
« Reply #852 on: April 14, 2020, 01:17:03 PM »
Engineering On Demand @EngOnDemand

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.
Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.

The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
This is done by the chip monks.
The police are only minutes away when seconds count. Don't be a soft target.
 
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Tim

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Re: JOKE THREAD: Need a laugh? Let's post jokes and humor content here
« Reply #853 on: April 16, 2020, 09:37:57 PM »
A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says: I think I might be a type O.

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Re: JOKE THREAD: Need a laugh? Let's post jokes and humor content here
« Reply #854 on: April 23, 2020, 07:57:27 PM »
'Brenda's Beaver Needs a Barber' children's book

Clunky video

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=2897613953692924
The police are only minutes away when seconds count. Don't be a soft target.
 
Patriots and globalists are mutually exclusive.